One of the silver linings to this pandemic has absolutely been in the positive affirmations existing right in our backyard. While both of my kids are too young to truly comprehend what is going on, I know my three year old has certainly taken to our daily morning car rides to seek out all the creativity and encouragement that our neighbors are doing to keep everyone's morale up. Again, I don't fancy myself a photographer but given the unfathomable nature of what is going on? I feel like if something truly beneficial can be taken from it? Its the unwavering perseverance and sense of community it has created (Well....for the most part but we'll get to that in a minute) in our neighboring towns and cities. By the end of this? I hope I will have amassed more positive images that I can refer to when I start getting lost in what I believe to be a dark or difficult moment only to realize that we are all living in one of the darkest timelines we could have conceived of.
Our drives are equal parts inspiring and jarring as the economy takes a nosedive putting so many local establishments out of business and our main streets feel more like a squalid wasteland of FOR LEASE signs and sidewalks littered with surgical masks or materials fashioned to protect each other from this ravenous virus. One establishment even took the time (despite the fear of its survival) to respectfully nod at the hardworking healthcare staff working diligently to keep their patients alive and healthy.
Unfortunately, (and its not something I want to spend a lot of time on) there are also those who are using the pandemic to pontificate political views and their own personal indignation about the shelter-in-place acts that have been instituted for our own safety. I would love to see the irony in it, but in one of the wealthier neighborhoods in a city my kids and I were driving around in I spotted this...
This was upsetting, but I also think its just as important as the other images. Whether I disagree with the sentiment or not? This person has every right to communicate it, and I honestly feel like its a very important part of the narrative. We are living in a time where leadership is imperative, and frankly? I think a lot of us are wondering what the hell leadership actually looks like, while some of us? I don't really know how to articulate this...I'm confused, any time we disagree with a policy, a decision, a person, a party...is it a thing that the person or party we disagree with is now akin to Adolf Hitler? The jury isn't exactly out on that I suppose. This sign got to me, but I'm glad that it did. Because something that I resented as a kid after the trauma of 9/11 blew over? All the miniature American flags that were fashioned on cars, backpacks, and houses (Yes, even HOUSES. A house in the town I grew up in literally transformed itself into an American Flag) just...disappeared. Like patriotism was a fashion statement. Hell, even worse?
After the Boston Marathon bombing half the state were all about being BOSTON, WATERTOWN, STONEHAM, INSERT TOWN HERE Strong. Around that period? I worked in a thrift store and eventually wound up managing it. The number of donated This place STRONG shirts that poured into our store? It was discouraging. I hope that people still keep the signs in their yard long after this blows over. Why? Because I don't think trauma, tragedy, a pandemic, a terrorist act, or the death of something should goad us into expressing our strength. The best part about seeing all the GOOD and the BAD? Seeing people's ingenuity and their character shine through. That has been really amazing...even when sometimes the message isn't as positive. I love getting the opportunity to read the narrative of humans right in their own yards. ............................................ So, what the hell is the "Existential Mix-Tape?" Well. Other than sounding like a cool title for a poem or song? I think its a project I'd like to work on be it on this blog, a future podcast, or just something I will continue working on personally. Because this site/blog are largely a platform for me to share my poems or help promote the future release of my book? I would love to interact more with a potential audience and not just make it about...read my stuff, validate me, make me feel heard! No. I would love to be read or heard for the simple fact that....I would love to know what people can relate to and what resonates with them. Earlier today, I was in the shower and I was thinking about how my drives with the boys typically involve me listening to Grilling J.R., Something to Wrestle With Bruce Prichard, Unlocking Us with Brene Brown, or my usual playlists of 90s pop and alternative music. I ALWAYS without missing a beat always come back to Janet, or Ms. Jackson when I'm feeling NASTY. More specifically, her 1993 Janet. album. Its definitely a top five for me, there is a lot of sentimental reasons behind that and just as I get older? A lot of nostalgia comes with it but I also appreciate the arrangements, the lyrical maturity, and the overall narrative more and more. So, I was just thinking what if I start working on an existential mix-tape. This is a tape of songs that define my life. Maybe they've evolved or there is a sentiment that grew up since the first time I heard the songs...maybe they still make me feel the same way when I first heard them? Either way, it sounded like a fun idea. Kinda like the desert island game where you think of like what are the 5 albums you bring with you if you're stuck on a desert island? In this case...what are the songs that I feel define me or have some semblance of sentiment or attachment to them. Somehow they are just espoused with me. I want to try this because I think it could then be a cool activity to try to get out of you guys (if you are in fact here and reading) and if you feel the need? Write to me. Click the contact tab, and write to me about what song(s) would be on your existential mix-tape and why. When you write to me, let me know if I can share your story and if not? That's cool, I'd just love to read YOUR story about YOUR existential mix tape. To get the ball rolling? Here is one of mine..
Personally? I have always believed that Janet was the most talented out of the entire family. Something about her voice, her energy, as corny as this might sound...but even her womanhood. "Lets Wait Awhile" to "If" feel like such a powerful progression not just maturity wise but also sexually. To go from the innocence of celibacy to the liberating feeling of owning her sexuality as an adult. When Janet sang love songs whether wistful or hemorrhaging with vulnerability, you never ever questioned her integrity and nine times out of ten? You could relate. I think that's what this song did for me. Granted, the first time I heard it I was only six years old. However, at the time? My two big sisters were obsessed with her. In some ways this song takes me right back to the bedroom the three of us shared in my dad's one bedroom bachelor apartment (our parents' were divorced at the time and this is where we slept on the weekends when we'd visit him) and in this room? My oldest sister (a dancer at the time) was choreographing routines for me and my female cousin to perform for my dad and his friends.
As lame as that sounds? That has always been a really great memory for me considering all the shitty stuff that was going on and was around the bend waiting to traumatize us. This song in particular was a constant rotation on my sister's boom box. I don't know, I guess it takes me to a simpler time that I forget all the horror of because I just remember us when were kids. I also hear that side of me that as I grew older I was so in love with the idea of love, and when the reality of unrequited love or actual love sunk in? I don't know...it makes me miss when both the honeymoon phase of relationships and the devastation of a heart break still feel strangely beautiful all the same. When you're a kid, a teenager, or even in your twenties...you just want love to be something that doesn't get as complex or indifferent when you find yourself at the age your parents were when they just seemed like morons for not getting it. So, there's one of my existential mix-tape songs. What's one of yours? Write to me. Most importantly? Stay safe.
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