How are all my parent readers holding up during this new COVID-19 life? (that is to imply that I actually think I have readers). I get it man, if you're not used to the stay-at-home parent life, I can imagine that you're waking up feeling like Danny Tanner and by the end of the day you're feeling a little more like Jack Torrance (well, in terms of feeling like you're going bonkers without the ax and spectral bartender) the best wisdom that I am given during these times comes from my therapist. It goes without saying that your family, your kids, that stuff should be first and foremost but make sure you're staying healthy mentally and taking some time for yourself along the way. This is a tough journey and while many daft celebrities have compared their quarantine in their million-dollar mansions to prison, I'll be more realistic and say its more like be in the trenches with your troop. You're just trying to weather the storm out, hold your position and ensure that all your troops make it back home safe and sound.
Yesterday I decided to bring the kids out to get some art supplies. I hate that despite taking all the precautions (masks, hand sanitizer, and proper hand washing at home) I still feel like a fucking jackass for taking my kids out there. Unfortunately, sometimes you need to get the supplies your troop needs to get through the daunting days of making sure they're keeping up with their ZOOM education and staying productive. Today we made a sign for my wife's work. My oldest son has recently taken to my Polaroid camera (the stingy prick in me tries to talk him out of it given how expensive the film is. A pack of 16 photos retails for about thirty bucks. The dad in me who wants to foster his creativity is just super excited he likes expressing himself, so I try to reconcile the money part) and took some pictures that we put on the sign. I didn't include those as I'm still super paranoid about sharing photos of my kids in any public capacity with nameless faceless strangers...although, I'm sure you understand. Our rigid routines have my oldest completely off his game and prone to outbursts and fits that often leave yours truly just trying to make sure both my kids and the house don't find themselves in dire need of repair by day's end. For the most part, we do alright. It can wear on you though. I guess I should thank the four years I spent in radio working graveyard shifts and twenty hour doubles for my durability because by the time the kids are ready for bed and my wife is home? I am absolutely on my ass and damn near close to catatonic. I suppose writing this blog helps. Which brings me to my next insecurity...this damn website. I can write, relatively well. Well enough that I am publishing my first novel soon (the publisher hasn't given me a timeline as we're still getting our ducks in a row) but man oh man I am learning fast that I suck at web maintenance and I am dreading the self-promotion aspect. I tried for many years to live out the social media acquiring of followers and subsequently chasing after their approval for likes and shares. The fact of the matter? I hated it when I was doing it, I felt inorganic and the whole process made me feel like a god damn politician who would rather be writing policies or innovating change than turning proverbial tricks to ensure that I locked down a guaranteed vote. I'm really bad at that sort of thing. I get it, my website isn't great (I think it looks like crap, but I am my worst critic) and I am a glorified novice when it comes to creating and delivering a four star platform that will actually make give a shit that I have a book coming out or that I have poems published in various magazines. Hell, to be straight with you? I paid about fifteen bucks a piece for two publications just so I can have a tangible copy of my own work (mind you, I had to wait a few weeks until I could afford to read my own shit) which is why I never ever attempt to post links to get people to buy stuff off me. That's probably the WORST way to promote one's self but its true. Especially during this pandemic? You're either out of work and collecting (hopefully) a decent enough chunk of change to afford to not be homeless and hungry or you're working your body into the ground just to support your family. I don't have any delusion about people needing to purchase a magazine (while it would support the publisher greatly if you chose to do so) with my poem in there just to say you supported it. That would be awesome but if you can't...I get it. Even thinking about this book coming out. God, talk about timing. I mean, frankly? I just want to be read more than paid. Once this thing comes to fruition? I'd love to see (mind you, I'm being idealistic as I have no idea how this actually works) how to get it into more libraries or by selling it...what the hell can I do to make people feel like if they're buying it they can justify that purchase? I haven't worked out a fantastic idea but I love my book and I want to be read...if I can find a way to ensure that the profits can benefit something or someone more than me just so people can feel good about reading it? I'm all for it. So, stay tuned with that. Christ, could I be more insecure about my work? The answer is probably yes but the point of this blog or purpose of staying diligent to it is to have something cathartic to look forward to (personally) while hoping maybe if you're taking the time to read what I'm putting out there, it makes you laugh, makes you think, or more importantly if you're like me (an introvert and by virtue of being a stay at home parent less likely to have a lot of access to people) maybe its a great interaction. So, I will try to focus on that more than the fear of selling books or that you are questioning my ability to keep up a decent enough platform. Alright, I'm going off now...I hope you're hanging in there whether you're married, single, have kids, expecting, trying, have no intention. We're all doing our best to weather the storm. I hope this finds you safe and healthy.
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September 2021
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