Admittedly? I am not a photographer. I never ever took much of an interest in it, nor did I harbor much confidence that anything I would photograph could be deemed art. However, recently I find myself pretty enamored with the sights of COVID-19 society. Just before the state I live initiated its put a shelter-in-place act, things were relatively normal. Meaning, the people wearing masks and gloves in Target seemed like the overzealous ones while those of us treating it like another day at the opium of department stores were completely rational. During one of the last protective mask trips I took, I spotted a Polaroid camera on clearance for forty bucks. I thought, SCORE! This is amazing. Context: I don't enjoy photographing anything on my phone because I have these hand tremors which I jokingly refer to as "trauma tremors" due to my childhood. Turns out, my therapist pointed out that is exactly what they are. Essentially, I became a chihuahua after years of abuse at the hands of my father and a few teachers and my bi-polar has me shaking uncontrollably because I am in a constant state of fear. The reason I am addressing this is because I have been asked by people to take a photo or video for them and when they get it....well, it looks like you asked someone with Parkinson's to take a selfie. The great thing about Polaroids? Trauma Tremors be damned! The awful thing about Polaroids? They're unpredictable and you don't get to be spoiled with all the touch-ups and focus perks you get with a state of the art smartphone. Then again? In this age of social distance? Challenge. Accepted. I say this and yet the photo above was in fact taken in the same Target parking lot...on. my phone... Anyway, I think I have taken a few interesting shots. Some I have submitted to contests (unfortunately, I can't share those) but some I'd like to share on here (both Polaroid and digital) with maybe a reason for why I found it interesting. So make a short story long? Here are some shots: I don't know if I'm going to get in trouble for this, but this is the author photo as it will appear in my first book. Why did I chose this? The simple answer? The book largely takes place in the 90s and well...its culturally kitsch. The real answer? When the book doesn't sell? You can't shame who you can't see. If the book does modest numbers? You can't stalk who you can't recognize. That's not me trying to be a narcissist, I have in fact been stalked. Its fucking weird and not fun...its also baffling. Don't people typically stalk attractive or famous people? Now, the digital.... It will never NOT be weird (despite the relevance of the pandemic) to see people out for casual walks or jogs in surgical masks. I try to get photos like these (although, it makes me feel like a creep because while there are good intentions behind it I'd be really freaked out if a stranger took a picture of me for no reason) because I want my sons to see just how truly unreal 2020 really felt if you were old enough to live through it and understand the scale of it. Just the juxtaposition of the surreal to the optimistic normal. For every aspect of this that scares the shit out of me? I have a responsibility to not succumb to it for the sake of these two. So, that's my stream of consciousness for tonight. I hope you are all safe and healthy and remember, We are all in this together and we will come out the other end.
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September 2021
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