Despite the Celtics being eliminated from the playoffs and my inability to comment to someone on Instagram without feeling like someone with dementia struggling to leave a comprehensible reply (I’m 33 and yet technology is something that completely baffles me)…this morning started off well. Ryder managed to sleep until five in the morning (yes, this is early but its not three or four a.m. early) and my wife made me “pigs in a blanket” for breakfast. I put this in quotes because what I was raised to call pigs in a blanket were created using breakfast sausages rather than hot dogs. I remember hosting a WrestleMania party in the first year of my wife and I dating and she asked me if I had any requests for snacks that night (my wife cooked and provided snacks that would have fed over thirty people despite their only being three people in attendance-this is her illness) and I said sure thing…”pigs in a blanket.”
When they were ready and she put them out on the table, I remember holding one up and looking at her with so much indignation and asking, “what the hell is this?” She just snickered “Uh, a pig in a blanket?” My oldest sister and I joke about this regularly. Any time she would host an event she would have a tray of “pigs in a blanket” which would baffle the shit out of anyone who came across it. Like I had experienced with my wife, my sister was frequently teased for trying to pass off a breakfast sandwich wrapped in cheese and a crescent roll off as a popular game day snack. In a sort of sad and pathetic way, we had rationalized that our parents had normalized pigs in a blanket being made this way even though it was not what it was believed to be. That has become the best analogy to describe our childhoods. We never questioned the authenticity of things, if we were told hey x = y then it was what it was. Does that make sense? I am still on Instagram. I must be careful with it. It can be a slippery slope. I can get a little post happy. I chock this up to a two-year absence of any social media and humans in general. I do interact with people, but primarily immediate family (which is small) the parents at my son’s school, and the small group of friends I frequently text with. Being the stay at home parent is pretty isolating though, then add a global pandemic and subsequent lock down and you tend to go a little stir crazy. I have a tendency to overthink literally everything I do, that becomes even more daunting with social media because I try to watch my language and my disgust with our current administration…but then I wind up cussing like a sailor and passionately writing diatribes about politicians and a glorified snake oil salesman. I think I’ll give it a certain amount of time with the promotional efforts for the book and then try to see where I’m at with it once I start to feel like alright, this thing (save for people outside of my bubble in the world) has reached as many people as its realistically going to…now the rest is all wishful thinking. Its hard not to be so pissed off about the state of the country and the complete lack of accountability shown by the decision makers who are touting things such as “law & order,” “family values,” and “religious freedom” as things this country is in desperate need of while they are breaking the law, stealing from the poor, engaging in deplorable behavior with staffers, and pandering to religious fanatics while laughing behind their back about what malleable and vapid idiots they are. I am somewhere in between being terrified about a potential doomsday scenario in which the country gets swallowed up in one giant explosion, and feeling a kind of backup generator of optimism kicking in and proudly owning today’s issue of the New York Times thinking this might be it for the quasi president of the divided states. If I start to get annoying on Instagram feel free to tell me. I have SO many god damn thoughts (is this a symptom of being bi-polar? No seriously, I don’t know if it’s because I’m crazy or isolation and being a stay at home parent has turned me into the excited dog when you come home after work) and frankly I know how insufferable it is to be around me…I’ve had to live with me for 33 years. God, how the hell does my wife do it? Alright. Total mind dump of a post. I was starting to feel anxious and didn’t want to post another three things on Instagram just to get this anxious can’t hold it in anymore flood of thoughts off my chest. How are you all? Everyone hanging in there. If you are reading this, take care of yourself and your family and its ok to feel like nothing is ok.
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September 2021
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